My Very Energetic Mother Just Served Us Nine ...

Today's big news (so far) is that the International Astronomical Union (IAU) has voted to define planet in such a way that Pluto is demoted from plain old planet, or Classical Planet, to Dwarf Planet, or Minor Planet.

I haven't been able to get to the IAU's website this morning (I guess it's overwhelmed) and the major news sites don't seem to think it is important to publish the actual definition, so I don't know if all of those terms are actually in there or if some of them are just the preferred terms of some of the astronomers at the meeting.

But what really concerns me is what the new mnemonic will be to help our children remember the names and order of the planets.

For some time now the English mnemonic has been some variation of "My Very Energetic Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas." Without Pluto (Pizzas), what will we use? What did they use before Pluto was found?

Powerless

First I was out of options. Then I was powerless.

Fortunately, the power is now restored.

This evening, at about 6:50 p.m. CDT, our power went out after flickering a couple of times. There was a mild thunderstorm in the area, but we've seen much worse without the power going out. We expected the power to return in a few seconds because it always has in the past — in 9+ years in this house we've never had a power outage longer than a minute or two, and those have been very rare.

Tonight the power was out for about an hour and a half. It finally came back when I left to buy some ice to keep food fresh in an extended outage. In hindsight, I should've gone out immediately.

Another factor which made this event more exciting was the presence of two children in the house. These things are always a much bigger deal for the kids than for the parents. It was nearing bedtime (and nightfall) and kids are much more afraid of the dark than us old folks. So 1 of 2 and 2 of 2 were running around collecting batteries and flashlights and radios and acting like we were suddenly living in the dark ages — or in Lebanon.

I can hardly wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Out of Options

Today was the day that I chose to sell the last of my stock options. Or, at least, the last of my stock options that were "above water".

I was going to have to sell in the next few months anyway, and I just didn't see anything in my crystal ball that made a significant rise in value seem probable. So, since I had the time, I plunked my dime into the pay-phone and called my friendly Stock Option Plan Administrator.

After fees and taxes I'll take home just over two grand. A far cry from the days when I bought a car with stock options, but not bad considering where this stock was selling a few months ago.

Housekeeping

I've been cleaning out my home office and came across a note, so I have to deal with it now. It said:

North Merkin
Central Merkin
South Merkin

Those of you who know me know that I enjoy it when people pronounce American as merkin, as in "Ah'm proud to a merkin!"

Makes me laugh every time.

I'm assuming, of course, that you, gentle reader, know what a merkin is. If not, let me just say that a merkin is a toupé — for the pubic area.

I can only imagine that the aforementioned note was written when I read some news item about nationalist statements in some other "Merkin" country.

So I have to wonder, what is the difference between a North Merkin, a Central Merkin, and a South Merkin? Perhaps a North Merkin is a toupé in the normal sense (i.e. on the head). A South Merkin could be a merkin in the normal sense (i.e. fake pubic hair).

Since the hair on your head is typically visible (in western countries) and the hair down there typically isn't, does that make head hair public and pubic hair non-public?

So what would a Central Merkin be? Fake chest hair? That sort of makes sense if you think of the sayings that something will "put hair on your chest" as meaning that something will make a boy into a man.

Maybe an adventurous reader will propose a mapping of fake hair in different areas to characteristics of nationalists in different parts of the Americas. Politically incorrect, to be sure, but could be humorous.

Color Blind Society?

I was recently laid off after 16 years with the same company. One of the first things my wife said was that I'd need to start dying my hair to avoid age discrimination.

Yep, my hair is almost all gray, and a great many people make the assumption that I am much older than I am. My mother-in-law even reported that she received comments about my age (relative to my wife) from relatives who had seen my wedding pictures — they simply noticed the gray and made an assumption. I was 28 and my blushing bride is only 4 years my junior. And my hair is much grayer now.

As I started looking around in job groups I saw a good many comments from people who felt that their age (50 and up) was causing them problems getting a job in a high-tech field. The comments weren't just about hair color. It was an overall perception of age.

While I'm only 44, I've frequently encountered people who express surprise and admit to thinking I was much older, because of the hair. And it comes up surprisingly frequently, probably because they think 6/10ths (my better half) must be much younger than me and they are intrigued by the prospect of ours being one of those "May-December" romances.

So I've finally decided that I'd rather not get discriminated against for something that isn't true (i.e. I'm not over 50). I got my hair dyed.

Now I have to get used to the color. It's lighter than my natural color and has a bit of a reddish cast to it. It's hard to tell if my uneasiness with it is due to the drastic change (which those who don't know me won't experience) or if the problem is with the reddish tones.

I may have to get it done darker.

RIF / Backyard Progress

The big news this week is that I got laid off on Thursday. Nothin' quite like losing your job in the middle of an expensive construction project!

I know what you're thinking: "What does getting laid off have to do with reading?" RIF is a well known acronym for the Reading Is Fundamental program, but it is also used in the corporate world to mean "Reduction In Force" — a lay off. And since acronyms become words (e.g. scuba and radar) and since any word can become a verb, to rif means to lay off. So I was riffed.

Anyway, the backyard is coming along fine. The wall and fence are up and the preliminary sprinkler work has been done. A couple of piles of dirt have been delivered and are waiting for stronger backs than mine to move them into place. That should happen Monday morning. A few last fence details are also supposed to happen Monday morning and the fence is supposed to be stained that day as well. Sounds like a busy day.

As for the lay off, my employer has a fairly generous severance package so I'm not panicking just yet. But if you know of anyone looking for an experienced senior IT kind of guy (to work in the Dallas area), please leave their contact info in a comment and I'll follow up on it.

Not the Cruddiest Anymore

As of two days ago, I no longer have the cruddiest fence on the alley. I don't have the best fence either, though that is due at least in part to the fact that I have no fence at the moment.

My old fence was getting pretty pathetic with lots of rotting cross pieces and boards falling off. It's gotten so bad in the past year or two that even screws weren't enough to reattach the boards, so I've been making periodic trips to the home improvement store to buy replacement bits. I'll bet the neighbors love the patchwork appearance!

But no more. The fence is gone and a stone wall with fence atop are being constructed. The yard behind the wall will be leveled, making for a better play space for the kids and allowing the planting of a vegetable garden when the drought is over.

The only sad thing is that the old wooden fence posts weren't rotten enough to fall over in a strong wind. If that had happened I might have been able to get insurance to pay for part of the replacement.

Windows 98SE; Rest In Peace

As of yesterday, July 11, 2006, Microsoft will no longer support or provide updates to Windows 95, 98, 98SE, or ME, even though they estimate between 50 and 70 million users are still running these operating systems.

I have only one computer left running Win98SE. It is an old Gateway tower with a 600MHz Pentium III processor. I have slower computers running XP, so I can probably upgrade, but since this is primarily the kids' computer and used mostly for running (very old) kids games I have not felt the need.

Indeed, for a month or two we had my wife's new computer using their monitor during a transition from her old notebook and we tried a couple of the kids' games on it. There were a few troubles, including programs that wouldn't run or that would crash regularly or failed in some operation (printing, saving, etc.)

We'll probably keep using this PC as is. There's nothing critical on it and the kids are well trained. Virus protection is in place and they only surf to a small number of sites that are vetted in advance by me or 6/10ths (my better half). We've never had a virus or worm, so I suspect that we'll be okay for the next 6 months or so. Heck, if I don't get laid off by my employer this August I might celebrate by buying them a new, faster computer with an LCD monitor!

On-Line Gambling Soon To Be Illegal in U.S.

Schwab Stock Drops 50%

The US house "overwhelmingly" passed new legislation this week to further clarify internet gambling laws and to curb the popular activity. Among the measures intended to thwart gamblers is a prohibition against the use of credit cards or wire transfers to pay for gambling debts.

I haven't read the law, but here's an obvious work-around: Transfer the money to an offshore account that is not (directly) related to internet gambling. Then transfer the money to your bookie.

Or here's another way: the gambling houses require you to put money up front into an account with them. You aren't paying a gambling dept because you haven't yet gambled with that money. Later, when you lose a bet the casino takes money from your account.

Oh, and of course the law exempts several types of gambling, including horse racing and state run lotteries. And the stock market, the biggest gambling operation in history.

I saw a NightLine piece this week about bodog.com. I think they guy was right when he said that if the U.S. Congress really wanted to put him out of business they would legalize internet gambling so that the big U.S. casinos could get into it. That would hurt his business more than anything, though to be fair, I suspect it would also increase the total amount of gambling being done.

It should also be noted that the measure has yet to pass the Senate. For my international readers (ha!) who aren't familiar with the way laws are made here, a law must pass both the House and the Senate and be signed by the President to become law. The Senate has shot down several recent attempts to kill internet gambling and may do so again.

Four-Eyes

The summer of 2006 will go down in my immediate family as the summer of corrective lenses.

Both of my children started wearing glasses full-time; I got VDT glasses; and both my wife and I got contact lenses.

Aside #20/20:What is it about doctors and long, hard to pronounce names? My eye doc is referred to as Dr. B. and my kids' eye doc is Dr. S., both use initials because their names are long and hard to pronounce (by those who can't say words longer than two cylinders). And our pediatrician is Dr. D.

1 of 2 joined the glass eye community in first grade when he was diagnosed with a visual information management problem and sent to Dr. S., who specializes in such things. He got some prism glasses which didn't really have any correction, but which helped his eyes track left and right. We were shocked by the effectiveness of those glasses because his reading really took off with them. Before glasses, 1 of 2 was at risk of not meeting the reading goals for 1st grade. Within a month or two he was reading at the end of 2nd grade level. But those glasses were part time usage -- only for reading and close up work. This spring we went back to Dr. S. for an exam and found out that 1 of 2 needed full-time corrective lenses.

Aside Probability: 1. Of course, those glasses got broken within the week. In hindsight, it was a certainty because they were "unbreakable". The optician demonstrated their flex steel capabilities by twisting them into a pretzel right there in the store! But the give-away was the guarantee, which included a $25 replacement charge should they actually get broken.

So then it was 2 of 2's turn for a visit to Dr. S. Just to make sure. Turns out his vision is worse than 1 of 2's! Glasses are on order.

6/10ths (my better half) went in at the beginning of summer to get some contact lenses to wear while swimming. Like me, she's nearsighted and was concerned that she couldn't see well when we went swimming with the kids. It's hard to keep an eye on them when you can't see them. We both looked into prescription goggles, but decided that they were too expensive and that you'd kind of look funny if you left them on while talking to someone at the pool. So she got some disposable soft contacts and a pair of regular goggles. She's been wearing the contacts other times as well, but dry eyes prevent her from wearing them all the time.

I also got some soft contacts for swimming, but due to some tradeoffs I can't see well enough to drive with them (except in an emergency). But they're great for swimming.

Aside 300#: One drawback of being able to see better at the pool is that I can now see the "manatees" much more clearly. I've always known they were there, and could see their large pinkish forms well enough to avoid collisions, but I was always spared the full force of their — er — beauty. No more.

The problem I have with soft contacts is three-fold: 1) I have significant astigmatism; 2) I wanted disposable lenses; and 3) the lenses I got don't go up to my correction. There are soft contacts available that can correct much of my astigmatism and go up to my power, but they aren't disposables. I don't want to hassle with cleaning, especially since I expect to occasionally go weeks to months between uses. I doubt that soft lenses can be safely stored for months after use and then be used again.

And then there is the issue of presbyopia. I have reached that age when it often becomes necessary to adapt for the shortening of my arms and the shrinking of letters. Yesterday I took delivery of special VDT glasses (VDT = Video Display Terminal). I use a computer all day long in my work and I was having to greatly increase the font size on my computer in order to avoid eye strain. I can already tell a big difference with these glasses and have been able to shrink the font on my computer to something approaching normal. This actually makes many programs much easier to use and makes many web sites possible to use. They're also great for reading.

Unfortunately, my VDT glasses don't work so well for watching TV. I like to work the crossword from the newspaper while watching the news on TV, but I don't yet have any glasses that make it easy to do both at the same time. I can use my regular glasses to watch TV or I can use my VDT glasses to do the crossword. In August I'll be eligible for new lenses in my regular glasses and plan to get bi-focals. Sigh. I guess I'll have to sign up with AARP soon.

Interest Rates, Inflation, and the Economy

I'm getting very worried about the economy. In the past year or so the cost of energy has jumped quite a bit (no, really), upsetting the balance of many budgets.

The jump is severe enough that something has to be done to bring the overall budget back into line. The something, for companies, is to raise prices. The something, for laborers, is to ask for a pay raise, which will, of course, require employers to raise prices a bit more.

Some employers have other options, like investing in technology to boost productivity. But that often requires borrowing money and this is where the Fed comes in as the managers of interest rates.

To be fair, what the Fed manages is actually just the interest rate used by banks borrowing money overnight (or something like that). But this rate trickles down (isn't that a Laffer?) to other rates, including home mortgages, home improvement loans, and business loans.

The Fed adjusts this key interest rate as a control on inflation. They raise it to stop inflation and lower it to spur business growth.

So the business that wants to invest in technology to use in the US may find itself having to pay higher interest rates because the Fed wants to prevent inflation.

Do you see the conflict yet? In order to avoid raising prices (inflation) a company wants to invest in technology that will boost productivity, but can't because they can't afford the interest rates that the Fed is jacking up.

So what happens? Well, for some companies they are now forced to another option: off-shoring. Yep, you can invest in new technology in another country for less money (especially when factoring in the lower labor costs over there).

Good-bye jobs. Good-bye middle class. Thanks a lot, Fed.

I would argue instead that inflation can be a good thing in limited quantities. For example, the government isn't upset about inflation of 2 to 3 percent. I would also suggest that inflation which simply brings the cost of energy back into line isn't a problem either.

To be sure, inflation is hard for those on fixed or very low incomes. But since the government has a pretty good grasp on those they can be dealt with: Raise the minimum wage; raise benefits for entitlement programs (e.g. social security, welfare, etc.).

So long as inflation is simply to address rebalancing, it shouldn't be a disaster. And I fear that the alternative will be worse as the economy grinds to a screeching halt.

I am reminded of the axiom which says that everything looks like a nail if your only tool is a hammer. The Fed needs some vision correction.

Nausea

Yesterday was a rough day. Have you ever stood up quickly and become light-headed or dizzy? It usually goes away after a few seconds. But yesterday morning I got up from my desk to go to the bathroom and the dizziness didn't go away.

I managed to complete my bio-break without incident and returned to my desk, but quickly went into the kitchen (I'm a telecommuter, so I was at home) and got a bowl, then went to sit down on the couch.

By now the room was spinning quite out of control, which made me nauseated and, predictably, led to the Total™ loss of my breakfast (Total™ cereal and a banana). I was so dizzy and off balance that I almost fell off the couch (I was sitting).

The room finally stabilized a few minutes later, though the dizziness persisted in a lower state for some hours. After that I was woozy for the remainder of the day and am still not 100%.

Then came the Tonight Show. Jay sent Kelly Pickler, of Merkin Idle fame, to interview celebs on the red carpet outside the MTV Movie Awards (?).

OHMYGOD! This woman makes Jessica Simpson look smart! I predict that she will become very rich and get maximum media saturation for the next year or so, then drop (mercifully) from sight when she runs out of new ways to demonstrate her idiocy.

One example: she talked to some guy whom I've never seen before (I'm not a celebrity watcher) and he asked her if she'd ever hugged a Jewish person before. She admitted that she had not and asked him for a hug. While hugging she looks at the camera and says, "I've just hugged my first Jew!". Then, after letting go, she attempted to CROSS HERSELF! She botched it horribly, then asked the Jewish guy if she'd done it right! She thought she was making some sort of Jewish sign!

I almost tossed my cookies again.

May: The Holiday Month

May must be the Latin word for Holiday because this month seems to be chock full of them.

First we had May Day (May 1), which leftist leaning countries use to celebrate the oppression of the common worker for the benefit of the ruling party and people who can goose-step in unison. This year the first of May was also used to commemorate the rights of people to sneak into countries they hate (and which hate them right back).

Next came Cinco de Mayo (May 5), a mostly U.S. celebration of the native Mexicans winning a battle against the French on the way to losing the war. But it fits in with the collective alcoholic tendencies of Americans (motto: "I'll drink to that!"). Notice that Americans are also very fond of St. Patrick's Day and OctoberFest. The common theme is that the cultures associated with these holidays are all known for their beer. I cannot recall a French themed holiday, which seems fitting because the French aren't known for their beer.

In a couple of days we get to celebrate Mother's Day (May 14 this year, but different Sundays in other years), in which we celebrate the oppression of women for the propagation of the species and the benefit of, well, men. 'Nuff said.

Then, at the end of the month we have Memorial Day (May 29, I think). I'm sure that Memorial Day commemorates something, but no one seems to be able to remember what. Some memorial! As with most holidays, Memorial Day, which has been stretched into a whole weekend, requires the consumption of copious quantities of alcohol.

Jim: "Hey, Bob, what did we do last Memorial Day?"
Bob: "I don't remember, but it must've been fun!"
Jim: "I'll drink to that!"

So maybe Memorial Day is to commemorate all the brain (memory) cells which lose their lives each Memorial Day.

Oh, and Memorial Day marks when ladies and old men can begin wearing white patent leather shoes and light colored clothing. They have to stop on Labor Day.

Are there any other holidays in this month?

(Obligatory?) Knee-Jerk Reaction

Since I live in one of the reddest counties in Texas (and the richest), it is my duty, if not always my reflex, to respond in a knee-jerk fashion from time to time. To whit: HOMOPHONES.

I learned yesterday that my school is teaching my third grader about HOMOPHONES! What on God's green earth is a HOMOPHONE and why are they teaching my children about it? Just because I don't home school and can't afford to send my children to a private (Christian) school doesn't mean that I subscribe to the gay agenda and want the schools to brainwash my kids.

But of course, I don't want to appear ignerrent so I'm gonna do some googling to figure out exactly what a HOMOPHONE is.

Aside <B>: Whoever figured out that typing a thing in all caps is an effective way of showing that it is evil was brilliant!

Of course, the key to successful googling is to make some informed guesses about the thing you are searching for and include those terms in your google search. That makes the most relevant links show up at the top of the first page. Therefore, I am going to search for the following sets of terms:

• GAY PHONE
• GAY PHONE SEX
• HOMO PHONE SEX
• HOMO HAND SEX

I won't post the results here because they are too disturbing for a child-friendly blog like mine.

Aside #14 bids:Apparently EBay is involved in the sale of GAY PHONE SEX services (and its variants) because every one of my google searches had a link near the top which said something like "Looking for GAY PHONE SEX? Get it on EBay!"

A little more searching proved what we've all known instinctively for a long time: the arts in general and the lingual arts in particular, are pushing the gay agenda.

Aside #20-to-life:Do you really think the similarity between cunning linguists and cunnilingus is a coincidence?

For example, in addition to HOMOPHONES, English teachers seem to have a fixation on HOMONYMS. The difference between a HOMOPHONES and HOMONYMS is similar to that between LESBIANS and GAYS: all LESBIANS are GAY but not all GAYS are LESBIANS.

Anyway, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this HOMOPHONE stuff and make sure that they stop teaching it in our schools!

Uno de Mayo

Today is the day when a large number of immigrants are supposed to:

• not show up for work, or
• not buy anything, or
• both.

I am slightly bothered by this. First, they're trying to mingle illegal and legal immigration. Second, they're ignoring the problem of unemployment or underemployment in this country. Third, they're ignoring the plight of illegal immigrants. And finally, they are ignoring the national security issues with our borders.

Disclosure #1:Some of my own ancestors came to this country without the permission of the host government. That was in the 1650's and the Powhantan Nation had quite a bit of trouble with the illegal immigrants in what is now called Virginia.

We also need to get one thing straight: the US is a country of immigrants, and a lot of them arrived without proper permission beforehand (some even without their own permission). These immigrants have contributed greatly to this country, and immigration is still beneficial to the US.

But ...

We clearly cannot take in all of the poor of the world. We ain't that rich and we don't have that much land. So there have to be some limits. Once you have limits you have the issue of illegal immigrants and what to do with them. If you just keep saying, "Oh, well. I guess you can stay" then you basically have no limits.

Then, of course, we have a lot of unemployed and underemployed Americans. Even though the official unemployment rate is very low (less than 5%), it is believed by economists that a lot of people who would like to work have given up. These people are not counted as unemployed. The changing economy has also moved a lot of good paying jobs to lower wage countries and forced millions of people to find lower paying jobs.

Even highly educated people, like engineers are finding themselves in new fields because they can't find jobs. Of course, that doesn't keep Gates and Co. from pushing for more visas for foreign engineers. Hey, it's just business!

But even at the lower end, Hurricane Katrina gave us many examples of Americans who rushed to work in the cleanup effort, only to get fired when the illegals arrived (many brand spanking new to the country) to work for less pay, no benefits, and willing to tolerate absolute squalor.

Which leads me to the treatment of illegals. Illegal immigrants are exploited by American business. They are paid less, they get no benefits, and they work in dangerous conditions -- all because they can't complain. They are also victims of more crime because they are afraid to call the police.

And then there is the issue of those newly manufactured kewler bombs and other weapons of terrorism.

Aside #238: Why are we so obsessed with new kewler bombs? Are the old ones less dangerous in some way? Or are they so big and cumbersome that we don't think they could be smuggled in?

Some are calling for a fence along the border with Mexico. Opponents like to show pictures of chain link fences (some quite tall) and how easily they are penetrated. Funny, but no one seems to show fences like the one the Israelis are building.

Of course, a wall isn't the final answer. We'd have to build one across Canada as well, for one thing. And we'd have to monitor it closely enough to stop people from climbing it. And we'd have to do something to secure the coastline. And we'd have to monitor border crossings, airports, and shipping more closely. But I reject the idea that we can't do any of these things simply because we cannot do all of them currently or perfectly. We need to try harder to keep out those who wish to do us harm and the tools they would like to use. And we can't do that if we don't have better control of who is coming in.

Right now, the tremendous bulk of illegal immigration comes across our Mexican border. Given the poverty of those who cross, it makes sense that making that crossing more difficult will price it out of range for at least some. It also pushes more illegal immigrants and imports to ports and crossings where we might have a better chance of catching it. Or maybe we will in the future.

Disclosure #2: I'm glad that the immigrant who cleans my house every other week showed up for work today, though I wouldn't have fired her if she didn't. She's here legally and we believe that we pay her about the same as other legal immigrants in this line of work (we used to have a caucasian doing this job, and she made about the same money).

In response to today's protests, I propose that all persons legally in the country boycott the upcoming Cinco de Mayo celebrations.

Revenge of the Nerds

I think the nerds are out to get us. Or at least to scare the pants off us. Case in point, the periodic scares of impending doom from

• volcanoes
• tsunamis
• hurricanes
• tornados (they're not just for trailer parks anymore)
• meteors
• CMEs (Coronal Mass Ejections)

Add to the list, GRBs (Gamma Ray Bursts) from black holes or colliding neutron stars. GRBs are also called "Interstellar Death Rays" by the media, who seem to be involved in the plot with the nerds.

Odd, isn't it, that two groups that probably wouldn't have had anything to do with each other in high school have teamed up to get their revenge on the rest of the community?

But we can now relax because the nerds have examined more data and decided that the risk of earth being hit by a GRB is pretty small. Now we can go back to watching the jocks on TV.

Mel Ott?

My local rag, The Plano Star Courier, runs the NEA crossword puzzle. I've been working them for the past few months and have noticed that certain words come up again and again. The repetition doesn't really bother me but some of the words they choose to repeat do kind of grate, and they did so the first time they showed up.

One repeated word, actually two related words, are "MEL" and "OTT", as in "Mel Ott", the baseball player. I have nothing against Mr. Ott — he is a hall of famer, after all — but he hasn't played in almost 60 years and the clue is usually something like "baseball slugger." Gee, who pops to the top of your mind when you hear the phrase "baseball slugger"? Maybe a current player like Sammy Sosa or Barry Bonds (he's in the news a lot). Maybe Ted Williams, whose season home run record was smashed a few years ago by Androstenedione and other pharmaceuticals, or Hank Aaron or Babe Ruth? But Mel Ott? Give me a break!

Then there is one of my real favorites: "MOMA Artist". If you don't already know it, MOMA is New York's Museum Of Modern Art. Gee, how many artists have work on display there right now? Maybe a permanent collection? Go ahead and look at the web site and see if you can figure out who they mean.

The answer is KLEE. You found that name straight away, didn't you? Me, too.

Not in the realm of repeats, but certainly in the "you gotta be kidding" arena: MHO. Yes, MHO. The clue was "electrical unit". If you randomly asked me what a mho was I could actually have told you (the inverse of ohms) because I was an electrical engineering major for a couple of years in college, but what the hell are mhos doing in a syndicated crossword puzzle? The only way most people will get that is by getting all the crossing words (actually, that's how I got it). You can't even make the excuse that you're expanding someone's vocabulary (literary or cultural) because mhos will never come up in casual conversation.

I'll close with a few of my other favorite repeats: "ELS" (urban commuter trains), "ESS" (curve in the road), "CEE" (average grade).

22K and Counting (Slowly)

Way back on February 21, 2005 CE, I blogged about crossing 160,000 furlongs on the ol' oh-dough-meter. At that point, I was racking them up at the rate of roughly 1300 furlongs per fortnight.

Tomorrow morning the meter will turn over once more to three zeros on the right, this time to 176,000 furlongs (16,000 more than when I last blogged on this topic).

If you'll recall, the price of gasoline spiked to over $3 per gallon last fall (and is flirting with that price once more). You might also recall that my V-hickle averages about 80 furlongs per gallon of petrol. Naturally, I've cut back on my driving a bit and drive the castration-mobile more frequently (my wife's minivan). This reduction in use of the truck is reflected in the turning of the mile markers.

So I now seem to be averaging about 533 and a third; RPM — er — furlongs per fortnight. That's a decrease of nearly 60 percent from the previous rate. If this continues, and if 1 of 2 takes over this vehicle, it may have only 272,000 furlongs on it!

Then again, he may not be able to afford to drive it.

Where to Point the Finger

In many cases it is hard to figure out what causes some malady, though that doesn't seem to matter to legislators and other do-gooders.

Aside #4 out of 5: If someone does something bad in an attempt to do something good, are they still a do-gooder or are they now an evil-doer? Or can we coin a new name, a do-gooder-evil-doer?

Further muddying the waters is the difficulty of figuring out whether something is good or bad. An Israeli company has produced a kosher cell phone. That's right, kosher. It's a cell phone that only makes calls. No web, no games, no text messaging, no video, no camera. They consider all the of those extras to be evil because they make it easier to do or access evil things. But many people really like those features and don't do things with them that they think are bad. So are these features good or bad?

Which got me to thinking about the causality side of these features: if one goes blind wanking off to porn viewed on a cell phone display, was it the wanking off or the eye-strain which caused the blindness?

Shitty Venue

The wife and I went to the Meyerson this past Sunday for a concert. As usual, it was freezing in there. Uncharacteristically, my wife forgot to bring a jacket. So at intermission, while I was buying some refreshments, she bolted for the outdoors.

When I got outside she was returning, all hunched over and warning others to stay out from under the trees.

You see, the smokers also go outside and she was trying to get past them to fresher air. That took her under a canopy of trees full of grackles fresh from the fields. The grackles were settling down for the night and performing their pre-bedtime constitutionals. She got hit twice: once on the head and once on the shoulder (a black blouse).