May: The Holiday Month

May must be the Latin word for Holiday because this month seems to be chock full of them.

First we had May Day (May 1), which leftist leaning countries use to celebrate the oppression of the common worker for the benefit of the ruling party and people who can goose-step in unison. This year the first of May was also used to commemorate the rights of people to sneak into countries they hate (and which hate them right back).

Next came Cinco de Mayo (May 5), a mostly U.S. celebration of the native Mexicans winning a battle against the French on the way to losing the war. But it fits in with the collective alcoholic tendencies of Americans (motto: "I'll drink to that!"). Notice that Americans are also very fond of St. Patrick's Day and OctoberFest. The common theme is that the cultures associated with these holidays are all known for their beer. I cannot recall a French themed holiday, which seems fitting because the French aren't known for their beer.

In a couple of days we get to celebrate Mother's Day (May 14 this year, but different Sundays in other years), in which we celebrate the oppression of women for the propagation of the species and the benefit of, well, men. 'Nuff said.

Then, at the end of the month we have Memorial Day (May 29, I think). I'm sure that Memorial Day commemorates something, but no one seems to be able to remember what. Some memorial! As with most holidays, Memorial Day, which has been stretched into a whole weekend, requires the consumption of copious quantities of alcohol.

Jim: "Hey, Bob, what did we do last Memorial Day?"
Bob: "I don't remember, but it must've been fun!"
Jim: "I'll drink to that!"

So maybe Memorial Day is to commemorate all the brain (memory) cells which lose their lives each Memorial Day.

Oh, and Memorial Day marks when ladies and old men can begin wearing white patent leather shoes and light colored clothing. They have to stop on Labor Day.

Are there any other holidays in this month?

(Obligatory?) Knee-Jerk Reaction

Since I live in one of the reddest counties in Texas (and the richest), it is my duty, if not always my reflex, to respond in a knee-jerk fashion from time to time. To whit: HOMOPHONES.

I learned yesterday that my school is teaching my third grader about HOMOPHONES! What on God's green earth is a HOMOPHONE and why are they teaching my children about it? Just because I don't home school and can't afford to send my children to a private (Christian) school doesn't mean that I subscribe to the gay agenda and want the schools to brainwash my kids.

But of course, I don't want to appear ignerrent so I'm gonna do some googling to figure out exactly what a HOMOPHONE is.

Aside <B>: Whoever figured out that typing a thing in all caps is an effective way of showing that it is evil was brilliant!

Of course, the key to successful googling is to make some informed guesses about the thing you are searching for and include those terms in your google search. That makes the most relevant links show up at the top of the first page. Therefore, I am going to search for the following sets of terms:

• GAY PHONE
• GAY PHONE SEX
• HOMO PHONE SEX
• HOMO HAND SEX

I won't post the results here because they are too disturbing for a child-friendly blog like mine.

Aside #14 bids:Apparently EBay is involved in the sale of GAY PHONE SEX services (and its variants) because every one of my google searches had a link near the top which said something like "Looking for GAY PHONE SEX? Get it on EBay!"

A little more searching proved what we've all known instinctively for a long time: the arts in general and the lingual arts in particular, are pushing the gay agenda.

Aside #20-to-life:Do you really think the similarity between cunning linguists and cunnilingus is a coincidence?

For example, in addition to HOMOPHONES, English teachers seem to have a fixation on HOMONYMS. The difference between a HOMOPHONES and HOMONYMS is similar to that between LESBIANS and GAYS: all LESBIANS are GAY but not all GAYS are LESBIANS.

Anyway, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this HOMOPHONE stuff and make sure that they stop teaching it in our schools!

Uno de Mayo

Today is the day when a large number of immigrants are supposed to:

• not show up for work, or
• not buy anything, or
• both.

I am slightly bothered by this. First, they're trying to mingle illegal and legal immigration. Second, they're ignoring the problem of unemployment or underemployment in this country. Third, they're ignoring the plight of illegal immigrants. And finally, they are ignoring the national security issues with our borders.

Disclosure #1:Some of my own ancestors came to this country without the permission of the host government. That was in the 1650's and the Powhantan Nation had quite a bit of trouble with the illegal immigrants in what is now called Virginia.

We also need to get one thing straight: the US is a country of immigrants, and a lot of them arrived without proper permission beforehand (some even without their own permission). These immigrants have contributed greatly to this country, and immigration is still beneficial to the US.

But ...

We clearly cannot take in all of the poor of the world. We ain't that rich and we don't have that much land. So there have to be some limits. Once you have limits you have the issue of illegal immigrants and what to do with them. If you just keep saying, "Oh, well. I guess you can stay" then you basically have no limits.

Then, of course, we have a lot of unemployed and underemployed Americans. Even though the official unemployment rate is very low (less than 5%), it is believed by economists that a lot of people who would like to work have given up. These people are not counted as unemployed. The changing economy has also moved a lot of good paying jobs to lower wage countries and forced millions of people to find lower paying jobs.

Even highly educated people, like engineers are finding themselves in new fields because they can't find jobs. Of course, that doesn't keep Gates and Co. from pushing for more visas for foreign engineers. Hey, it's just business!

But even at the lower end, Hurricane Katrina gave us many examples of Americans who rushed to work in the cleanup effort, only to get fired when the illegals arrived (many brand spanking new to the country) to work for less pay, no benefits, and willing to tolerate absolute squalor.

Which leads me to the treatment of illegals. Illegal immigrants are exploited by American business. They are paid less, they get no benefits, and they work in dangerous conditions -- all because they can't complain. They are also victims of more crime because they are afraid to call the police.

And then there is the issue of those newly manufactured kewler bombs and other weapons of terrorism.

Aside #238: Why are we so obsessed with new kewler bombs? Are the old ones less dangerous in some way? Or are they so big and cumbersome that we don't think they could be smuggled in?

Some are calling for a fence along the border with Mexico. Opponents like to show pictures of chain link fences (some quite tall) and how easily they are penetrated. Funny, but no one seems to show fences like the one the Israelis are building.

Of course, a wall isn't the final answer. We'd have to build one across Canada as well, for one thing. And we'd have to monitor it closely enough to stop people from climbing it. And we'd have to do something to secure the coastline. And we'd have to monitor border crossings, airports, and shipping more closely. But I reject the idea that we can't do any of these things simply because we cannot do all of them currently or perfectly. We need to try harder to keep out those who wish to do us harm and the tools they would like to use. And we can't do that if we don't have better control of who is coming in.

Right now, the tremendous bulk of illegal immigration comes across our Mexican border. Given the poverty of those who cross, it makes sense that making that crossing more difficult will price it out of range for at least some. It also pushes more illegal immigrants and imports to ports and crossings where we might have a better chance of catching it. Or maybe we will in the future.

Disclosure #2: I'm glad that the immigrant who cleans my house every other week showed up for work today, though I wouldn't have fired her if she didn't. She's here legally and we believe that we pay her about the same as other legal immigrants in this line of work (we used to have a caucasian doing this job, and she made about the same money).

In response to today's protests, I propose that all persons legally in the country boycott the upcoming Cinco de Mayo celebrations.