Housekeeping

I've been cleaning out my home office and came across a note, so I have to deal with it now. It said:

North Merkin
Central Merkin
South Merkin

Those of you who know me know that I enjoy it when people pronounce American as merkin, as in "Ah'm proud to a merkin!"

Makes me laugh every time.

I'm assuming, of course, that you, gentle reader, know what a merkin is. If not, let me just say that a merkin is a toupé — for the pubic area.

I can only imagine that the aforementioned note was written when I read some news item about nationalist statements in some other "Merkin" country.

So I have to wonder, what is the difference between a North Merkin, a Central Merkin, and a South Merkin? Perhaps a North Merkin is a toupé in the normal sense (i.e. on the head). A South Merkin could be a merkin in the normal sense (i.e. fake pubic hair).

Since the hair on your head is typically visible (in western countries) and the hair down there typically isn't, does that make head hair public and pubic hair non-public?

So what would a Central Merkin be? Fake chest hair? That sort of makes sense if you think of the sayings that something will "put hair on your chest" as meaning that something will make a boy into a man.

Maybe an adventurous reader will propose a mapping of fake hair in different areas to characteristics of nationalists in different parts of the Americas. Politically incorrect, to be sure, but could be humorous.