XMAS Newsletter

I count myself lucky to not have "friends" who send me bragging newsletters at Christmastime. My mom used to get them from some old neighbors. Moving didn't stop them — I guess my mom was too polite to refuse the request for their new address.

If you have never seen one then you have something else to be thankful for this year. These snoozeletters (I think they're boring) are a way to show how much better your family is than the poor schmucks who receive it.

"Bobby made the honor role ... Betty is the captain of her cheerleading squad ... John got promoted to Senior Executive Vice President ..."

If they're so smart, how come you can always find some gaff like the honor "role"?

Here's what I've been tempted to send out, but have never had the guts to:

We think Tommy is going to pass third grade this year — on only his 2nd try! ... Jennie is recovering nicely from the head lice. She's might even continue shaving her head; she thinks it looks good with her new piercings. ... Barb should get her license back next month, just in time for her release from prison (can you believe the judge gave her 6 months? It was only her third DUI!) ... The federal court ruled that those billboards with the pictures of people who hired hookers are unconstitutional and they've been taken down. It's about time, too; I was getting tired of people pointing and whispering as I walk by. On an unrelated note, I've been lesion free for 9 months now! ...

Hope you have a Merry Christmas, even if you don't celebrate Christmas.

(Yes, this is your card. Feel free to print it and put it on your mantle.)