"In the future we will ... screw with batteries, ..."
That was part of an essay my third grader wrote in class yesterday. I asked him a few questions about some of his other predictions and then asked, "what does it mean that we'll screw with batteries?"
He said that batteries will include built-in screw drivers for opening the battery compartments on toys.
I suppose that the old, dead batteries will be used to re-secure the battery cover, but didn't get into all the possible scenarios with him. I was just relieved that he wasn't talking about battery powered sex toys! :-0
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Hot Air
Wind, Rain, and Gas all have one thing in common: hot air.
I'm thinking, of course, of the hot air at the center of a hurricane and the wind and rain that accompany it. And these days we're all concerned about the effects of hurricanes on our gas supply. If only we could effectively harness all the hot air coming from both ends of our erected leaders (local, state, and federal).
Wait, back up. What rain? I live in the Greater Dallas Metropolitan Area and I got what I estimate to be 10 or 20 drops per square foot around 3:00 p.m. Central Daylight Time. That was it!
Now I know that one gully-washer wouldn't cure the drought we're in, but since we're supposed to be heading into our second wet season (wet season being relative, of course), I was kinda hopin' this would get us off to a good start. As they say, if a hurricane is inevitable, then you might as well lie back and enjoy it!
Back to the gas. To do my part to conserve gas I'm not going to drive to work for the rest of this year! Yep, that's right, I'm a gonna park that 6.8 liter engine in the driveway and walk to work! For the rest of the year!
Oh, wait, I've walked to work for about the last 2.5 years. And for the 5 years before that I only drove if I had to go to the airport for a business trip.
Well, okay, here's a real change: for the past couple of months I've driven my wife's minivan instead of my truck whenever possible. And we're both planning trips more carefully to minimize miles driven.
Now if only I could harness the methane that seems to be associated with the beans that are so prevalent in the Tex-Mex food that I love so much.
I'm thinking, of course, of the hot air at the center of a hurricane and the wind and rain that accompany it. And these days we're all concerned about the effects of hurricanes on our gas supply. If only we could effectively harness all the hot air coming from both ends of our erected leaders (local, state, and federal).
Wait, back up. What rain? I live in the Greater Dallas Metropolitan Area and I got what I estimate to be 10 or 20 drops per square foot around 3:00 p.m. Central Daylight Time. That was it!
Now I know that one gully-washer wouldn't cure the drought we're in, but since we're supposed to be heading into our second wet season (wet season being relative, of course), I was kinda hopin' this would get us off to a good start. As they say, if a hurricane is inevitable, then you might as well lie back and enjoy it!
Back to the gas. To do my part to conserve gas I'm not going to drive to work for the rest of this year! Yep, that's right, I'm a gonna park that 6.8 liter engine in the driveway and walk to work! For the rest of the year!
Oh, wait, I've walked to work for about the last 2.5 years. And for the 5 years before that I only drove if I had to go to the airport for a business trip.
Well, okay, here's a real change: for the past couple of months I've driven my wife's minivan instead of my truck whenever possible. And we're both planning trips more carefully to minimize miles driven.
Now if only I could harness the methane that seems to be associated with the beans that are so prevalent in the Tex-Mex food that I love so much.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Yankee, Go Home!
Today, after 9 years in Texas, my friend, E, crossed the border into Arkansas with a U-Haul trailer on his way back to Maryland.
No, he wasn't fleeing Hurricane Rita. He was going back home to live with his Momma. :-)
Nah, while technically correct (for now), that wasn't the purpose of his move to MD. He took a job with the gummint and the job is in the 'burbs of D.C. E's mother lives in Glen Burnie, a town so behind the times that it doesn't have a web site. He's going to move into her condo for a couple of months to build up his savings before moving into his own apartment.
E's new job is with one of the so-called intelligence agencies, so he's changing his email signature to "00E". I don't think the new job includes a "license to kill", like other double-aught agents, but then again, he does have a driver's license and that's nearly the same thing here in Texas.
Anyway, here's to ya, 00E. Now go get a haircut. And tuck in your shirt. Put away the milk, too! I know you lived in Texas for 9 years, but did you live in a barn?
No, he wasn't fleeing Hurricane Rita. He was going back home to live with his Momma. :-)
Nah, while technically correct (for now), that wasn't the purpose of his move to MD. He took a job with the gummint and the job is in the 'burbs of D.C. E's mother lives in Glen Burnie, a town so behind the times that it doesn't have a web site. He's going to move into her condo for a couple of months to build up his savings before moving into his own apartment.
E's new job is with one of the so-called intelligence agencies, so he's changing his email signature to "00E". I don't think the new job includes a "license to kill", like other double-aught agents, but then again, he does have a driver's license and that's nearly the same thing here in Texas.
Anyway, here's to ya, 00E. Now go get a haircut. And tuck in your shirt. Put away the milk, too! I know you lived in Texas for 9 years, but did you live in a barn?
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
GO 1-3?
One of my kids just started playing Tee Ball and we had our first two games this past weekend. It's a lot of fun to watch, but it's a guilty pleasure because you're enjoying the complete and total incompetence!
Case in point, one of the few outs recorded (most innings end when the batting team scores 5 runs) came when a line drive bounced off the "pitcher" and rolled straight to the 1st baseman (slow enough for him to grab it).
I decided to score the play as a ground out, 1-3.
Case in point, one of the few outs recorded (most innings end when the batting team scores 5 runs) came when a line drive bounced off the "pitcher" and rolled straight to the 1st baseman (slow enough for him to grab it).
I decided to score the play as a ground out, 1-3.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Let Them Snort ...
1) New Orleans has a crime problem (even before Madam Katrina blew into town). 2) Drug dealers are probably having a hard time getting product. 3) There are lots of houses with wallboard that needs replacing.
Here in North Texas we've seen first hand how even "experts" can't tell the difference between ground up sheetrock and cocaine. So I propose that the dealers take wallboard from flooded houses, dry it out, grind it up, sell it to the addicts, and donate a percentage of the proceeds to the cleanup effort.
Heck, just by removing the sheetrock they'd be aiding in the cleanup — without filling up the dumps! The addicts might also benefit by breaking their immediate dependency (since I doubt that snorting gypsum has the same pharmacological effect as cocaine).
Sounds like a win, win, win situation to me! :-)
Here in North Texas we've seen first hand how even "experts" can't tell the difference between ground up sheetrock and cocaine. So I propose that the dealers take wallboard from flooded houses, dry it out, grind it up, sell it to the addicts, and donate a percentage of the proceeds to the cleanup effort.
Heck, just by removing the sheetrock they'd be aiding in the cleanup — without filling up the dumps! The addicts might also benefit by breaking their immediate dependency (since I doubt that snorting gypsum has the same pharmacological effect as cocaine).
Sounds like a win, win, win situation to me! :-)
Friday, September 02, 2005
OMG! Company's Coming!
If you're married then you've experienced the panic that precedes the arrival of company. Everything has to be spic-n-span, but make sure you put the Spic and Span away or the company will know that you cleaned up for them.
I can understand some cleanup. I don't want the place to be a pigsty, but since I've always been comfortable in what might be called organized clutter I've never understood the need to completely disrupt the normal functioning of your house to make it perfect for visitors. For example, why do I have to put away the stack of stuff next to the couch? I still want to go through that stuff and I'll just be moving it back right after the guests leave. That's not only wasted labor, but I suspect that everyone has such stacks and no one (at least not the husbands) will think any the worse of me for having it there in plain view.
In a similar vein, why do you have to clean something that isn't exactly dirty, or can never be exactly clean? Like the toilet? I'm not talking about a disgusting toilet, like some of my bachelor friends have. Our toilets get cleaned at least once a week. They don't have stains. They don't stink. To casual observation they're pretty clean. When they become not pretty clean they get cleaned.
But I just got sent to clean the toilet — company's coming! We have knives in the kitchen and I like to sleep at least once a day, so I did as ordered.
Then company arrived. An 8-year old and a 6-year old.
Boys.
For a play date with my kids.
I have a new item on my visitor list: Why clean something if its cleanliness (or lack thereof) won't be noticed by the guests?
I can understand some cleanup. I don't want the place to be a pigsty, but since I've always been comfortable in what might be called organized clutter I've never understood the need to completely disrupt the normal functioning of your house to make it perfect for visitors. For example, why do I have to put away the stack of stuff next to the couch? I still want to go through that stuff and I'll just be moving it back right after the guests leave. That's not only wasted labor, but I suspect that everyone has such stacks and no one (at least not the husbands) will think any the worse of me for having it there in plain view.
In a similar vein, why do you have to clean something that isn't exactly dirty, or can never be exactly clean? Like the toilet? I'm not talking about a disgusting toilet, like some of my bachelor friends have. Our toilets get cleaned at least once a week. They don't have stains. They don't stink. To casual observation they're pretty clean. When they become not pretty clean they get cleaned.
But I just got sent to clean the toilet — company's coming! We have knives in the kitchen and I like to sleep at least once a day, so I did as ordered.
Then company arrived. An 8-year old and a 6-year old.
Boys.
For a play date with my kids.
I have a new item on my visitor list: Why clean something if its cleanliness (or lack thereof) won't be noticed by the guests?
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Free At Last
Free at last,At 12:01 a.m. EDT, the gross injustice that was the Martha Stewart Incarceration was ended with the snip of a rubber band.
Free at Last!
Thank God Almighty,
She's free at last!
While we all undoubtedly rejoice at her renewed freedom, my soul fairly cries at the imaginings of the pain and anguish which Martha endured lo these many restless months. Months that can never be returned to her.
My heart aches. I'm sure that James Thomas feels the same way.
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