Shoo! Damned birds!

I fear that my blog is going to the birds. ;-)

Did'ja see the photos of Pope John Paul II swatting the doves away on Sunday, 30 January 2005?

When I saw that I couldn't help but think of Matthew 3:16-17.

And Jesus, when he was baptised, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting upon him.

And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

What if those doves pestering JPII were the Holy Spirit? Since the news didn't report any voices from the heavens I have to wonder if He was "well pleased" with JP rejecting the Holy Spirit.

Aside: I'm probably going to hell for quoting the KJV.

Ooh, Baby!

I'm not sure what category this falls into. Is it "this week's sign that the apocalypse is upon us" (as Sports Illustrated might call it)? Or is it, "Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here"? Or perhaps it's, "Why didn't I think of that?"

It is the news report that Jenna Jamison, the porn star, is producing "ring moans" that you can install on your mobile (nubile?) phone.

Tangent: Sun Microsystems' toll free customer support number in the US is 1-800-USA-4-SUN. This is the number that holders of Bronze, Silver, Gold, or Platinum service contracts call when they need help. But if you accidentally mis-remember the number and call 1-800-USA-2-SUN you get (or used to get, I haven't check in a while) a phone sex service. I guess that's for the "Platinum Blonde" service contracts. :-)

The next question is, do you make this your default ring sound or do you only associate it with certain callers? The possibilities are endless.

And since our mind is already in the gutter, how long do you think it will be before some "adult" magazine takes the SI Sneaker Phone promo to the next level and offers a "penis phone"? Vibrate mode. Hands free. The perfect way to get her to answer your call.

Damn! Already been done.

A Murder of Grackles?

What do you call a group of Grackles?

According to a list I keep (I've had it for at least 15 years and have no idea where I got it) the naming of groups of birds is not consistent at all. You might think, "oh, a group of birds is a flock", but you'd be only partially correct. Haven't you heard of a gaggle of geese? How about a brood of hens? Those are pretty familiar to most folks. Here are some other groupings of birds:

• Band of (Blue)Jays
  
• Brace of Ducks
  
• Cast of Falcons (or Hawks)
  
• Charm of Finches
  
• Colony of Gulls
  
• Company of Parrots
  
• Convocation of Eagles
  
• Covey of Quail (and Partridges, whether in a pear tree or not)
  
• Descent of Woodpeckers
  
• Dule of Doves
  
• Exaltation of Larks
  
• Flight of Pigeons (or Swallows)
  
• Flurry of Flamingos
  
• Host of Sparrows
  
• Mustering of Storks
  
• Ostentation of Peacocks
  
• Rafter of Turkeys
  
• Rookery of Penguins
  
• Stare of Owls
  
• Tiding of Magpies
  
• Unkindness of Ravens
  
• Wedge of Swans
  

But my all time favorite is a

• Murder of Crows
  

I think that same term should apply to Grackles, don't you?

I hate okra

I hate okra. And I'm glad I hate okra, because if I liked okra then I'd eat it all the time. And I hate okra.

Epiphany

There was an epiphany at my house today: the Epiphany has passed and our Christmas decorations are still up. So we finally started taking them down.

Fortunately for our neighbors we are not the sort who competes in the yard decoration contest (it is a contest, isn't it?) so they haven't been embarrassed by visitors asking why the guy next door still has giant inflatable secular seasonal characters on the front lawn.

As soon as I'm done with the decorations I'll start with the Christmas cards. Sending them, that is. Does anyone know when public school starts again?

Farm Aid?

Has Willie Nelson become a Republican? I have to wonder after hearing about his latest venture, BioWillie's Biodiesel.

Biodiesel is a very clean burning diesel alternative (i.e. it can be used in standard diesel engines) that is made from vegetable oil or animal fats. In the US, most biodiesel is made from soybean oil, and it is that connection which attracted the Farm Aid organizer.

Today, biodiesel is still a niche fuel product, selling only about 30 million gallons in 2004 (according to the National Biodiesel Board). Indeed, it is possible to make your own biodiesel at home, in whatever quantities you wish. All you need is clean vegetable oil, lye, and alcohol, all of which can be made at home if you are so inclined.

Last year, the American Jobs Creation Act of 2004 created a tax incentive for biodiesel producers. Cities and States with pollution problems are also looking at biodiesel because of its cleanliness compared to "dino-diesel". So I wouldn't be at all surprised if states started requiring the use of biodiesel as a way to meet clean air requirements.

When (if?) that happens, who do YOU think will be producing biodiesel? Yep, the big oil companies. And do you honestly think that the big oil companies will be buying soybeans from untold thousands of small family farmers or their co-operatives? Nope, they'll buy from ADM or ConAgra or other brobdingnagian farming corporations.

So how will this play out? My prediction is that small farmers will go deeper into debt trying to meet the soybean demands of small biodiesel providers. Then California will require that all diesel be a blend of at least 20% biodiesel. Texas will quickly follow suit to avoid loss of highway funds for failing to meet clean air requirements. NY will do the same. BigOil™ will immediately jump in and take over the market and BigFarmCo™ will be their supplier. All the small farms will go bankrupt and BigFarmCo™ will buy all the family farms at auction.

Gee, thanks, Willie! With friends like you, who needs enemies?

I actually think that biodiesel makes a lot of sense and hope that it gains traction. I just think that Willie Nelson is doing small farmers a disservice by suggesting that they'll get to make more money by selling soybeans to biodiesel producers without telling them that it will be a short term windfall.

Tick-Tock (part 2)

Yesterday I claimed that St. Jude Medical didn't make pacemakers. This morning the old fart, my father, got his pacemaker id card. It claimed that my father had a model 5380 pacemaker made by St. Jude Medical. Hmmm.

A bit more poking on SJM's website and I found the Implantable Device Reference Guide, including a search form. That search form said that a pacemaker model 5380 is made by St. Jude Medical! Its marketing family is the Identity ADx Pacemaker and the 5380 is the Identity ADx DR model.

Me thinks that St. Jude Medical should update their web site.

Also, my dad seems to be tolerating the Tikosyn (Dofetilide) well and, if nothing untoward happens betwixt now and then, he should be released Friday afternoon.

Tick-Tock

My old man (a.k.a. father, dad, the old fart) got a pacemaker this morning (Wednesday). I went down to provide taxi service, to keep my mom company, and to provide comic relief. This is my 4th such trip in the past 2-1/2 years. At least this time he's at the hospital with the good food.

Two of the frustrating things about hospitals are the lack of information and the time it takes to do anything.

For example, we couldn't get a straight answer before the procedure (I wonder what it takes to call it surgery?) about whether he was getting a pacemaker (and what kind) or an ICD (Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator — a pacemaker with a "kicker"). After the procedure the plumber (cardiologists love to be called that :-) told us that he had installed a plain two-chamber pacemaker made by St. Jude Medical. Yep, you guessed it, St. Jude Medical doesn't make pacemakers; they make ICDs. So what did he get?

Of course the procedure started an hour late and took twice as long as advertised. He's also going to be put on this federally controlled drug called Tikosyn (Dofetilide), which requires you to spend 3 days in the hospital under observation when you first start taking it. It took them until 4 o'clock in the afternoon to give him the first dose. There goes the hope of getting out of the hospital on Friday.

On the positive side, my dad is still with us. And everyone in the waiting room was amused (horrified?) when I asked him if I could have his Rolex if he didn't survive the procedure. :-)

I wonder if he's gotten lunch yet?

Inflation

It seems like I've been paying about $100 per tire ever since I started driving — way back in the late 70's. This price has held true as recently as a year ago when we replaced the tires on my wife's minivan. And I've never bought bargain basement tires.

Yesterday I bought new tires for my compact pickup and they cost $185 each! Zoinks! Lemme sit for a minute, eat a few Scooby snacks, and catch my breath here.

It must be because these tires have a max inflation pressure of 80 PSI, whereas the tires on my previous vehicles ranged from 35 PSI to 50 PSI. More air = more $. Now that I think about it I can see the relationship, but there was a bit of sticker shock at first.

Hospital food

You know your parents are getting older when you get into discussions about which hospital has the best food. Of course, you're able to speak from experience because your parents have each had a few procedures or hospitalizations and because each specialist likes to use a different hospital.

Case in point, my father is about to have his 4th cardiac procedure performed. His first three were performed in three different hospitals. When my mother called to tell me that this procedure will require 3 days in the hospital I was relieved to learn that he would be in the hospital with the best food.

:-(

Now serving for 1 year

On January 2, 2005, my wife's first cousin-in-law, Jay McKeefer, headed to Iraq as part of the largest deployment in history of the Texas Army National Guard.

In spite of being in his early 40s, Jay felt the need to do more to support his country in the aftermath of 9/11. As an Army veteran, the Guard was a natural choice. So Jay got back in shape and joined about a year and a half ago.

I don't know which part of Hell^h^h^h^hIraq Jay will be serving in, but I'm not sure any place is any better, or worse, than another. But I know that the next year, or more, will be a very stressful one for his wife and young son, and for all those who know and love him.

We'll be praying for you, Jay.

Should've grilled them

I had to laugh when I read this story about a prisoner whose sentence was increased because he gave cheese sandwiches to other prisoners.

I suppose that if he had grilled an image of the Virgin Mary onto them he could have claimed that he was exercising his right to religious expression. :-)

Between the sheets

Having recently spent three nights in two hotels I again am wondering why hotels don't use fitted bottom sheets. Yes, it is somewhat simpler for the laundry and for the housekeeping staff — at least when they are grabbing stacks of sheets to take on their rounds. But isn't it harder to put a flat sheet on a bed than a fitted sheet?

And what about the customer? I'm sick and tired of turning down my bed only to have to retuck 3/4th s of the bottom sheet! And even then my tossing and turning ends up untucking the bottom sheet again and I find myself in the middle of the night on the bare (and usually rough) mattress.

If I could find a hotel that didn't use a flat sheet on bottom I'd use it and send nasty letters to all of the others.

UT Trounces A&M!

For the second time in as many games, Texas A&M University was beaten on the football field by UT. In the first game, The University of Texas Longhorns beat the Aggies 26 - 13 at Kyle Field. And moments ago the University of Tennessee Volunteers soundly defeated all 12 Aggies by the lopsided score of 38 - 7 in the 2005 Cotton Bowl Classic.